It is Not Death to Die

An Easter Testimony

I'm up early this morning. Tim had a 6 AM brief, which meant getting up before 5:00. Actually, we weren't UP up because we wanted to snuggle and feel Baby-Girl kicking. So, a half hour later I made a lunch for him and said goodbye.

Sometimes I really hate to say goodbye, especially when it's my husband. It's a fight to trust that God will do what is good in both of our lives today, even if that good involves something really painful, like death.

On this morning eight years ago, I went on a walk with my mom. Spring definitely hadn't come to New York yet, and the sky was overcast. I had been working with Dad on a paint job that week and had something on my mind.

On our way home from work two days before we had stopped at a gas station for something. I always refused to be seen in public in my "paint clothes," so I sat in Dad's work truck and watched the people outside the gas station. I saw a girl pushing a stroller. She reminded me of Stephanie, a girl I had known from our old church. She looked really young to be pushing a stroller. Later Dad told me, "I saw Stephanie at the gas station. That was her second child." It was her.

According to Dad, Stephanie's father had been livid when he had found out that she was pregnant. What a foolish thing - to sleep with a guy in high school, get pregnant, not finish school, live on welfare...

I remembered something that Stephanie had told me a few years ago, when we were only ten or eleven. We were filling out name cards for our new Girl's Club. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Why don't you want your sister to write her last name on her name card?
Stephanie: It's not her last name.
Me: What is her last name?
Stephanie: I don't know, but she's only my half sister. Our mom...kind've "did that" with a lot of guys.

I told Mom about it that morning in March. I told her that I could understand how her dad would be upset. But I also pointed out that Stephanie didn't exactly have a good example for a mom. Mom didn't really say anything - she just made one of those "Mom" noises that meant that she was probably praying for herself (as a mom), me (as a daughter), and Stephanie.

A few weeks later I brought my sweet younger sister to the doctor's office. She had a rash on her arms - maybe from a plant that she had dug up in our flower bed. I had to fill out her paperwork and got to the question that asked about deceased family members. Mom had died several hours after our conversation on the morning of March 18th, but how could I fill out the question that asked "Cause of death?"

She didn't die from sickness, but it hurt to write "accident."

Accident implies, "out of control." It was out of my control. If the six of us could have stopped it, we would have. But even with the five of us kids spotting for my mom as dad cut down a tree on our property, we couldn't stop it. She dropped the rope that she had been using to guide the tree, and ran as the tree fell in the wrong direction. A small branch hit her neck. The doctor told Dad later that she had died instantly and suffered no trauma.

I am out of control. I couldn't stop my mother's death. I can't be a mother to my siblings. I can't keep my husband safe when he flies or even drives to work. I sometimes feel that I can protect our baby as long as she is inside of me, but even now, I ultimately have no control over her life.

Can I believe that Jesus is in control?

"He left nothing outside his control." I read this in Hebrews 2:8 this morning. Can I believe that Jesus is in control?

"At present, we do not yet see." (2:8) This is true. I don't understand death. It hurts.

"But we see him...Jesus." (2:9)

Easter was just two Sundays after Mom's death. Mr. Davis preached, and I remember that he talked about seeds and planting.

Jesus talked about seeds.  He said that they have to go in the ground and "die" before they can grow and bear fruit. Jesus was trying to prepare His friends for His death, but they didn't understand (John 12:24).

My mom came from a family who loves to plant things, and Mom passed this on to me and my sister. When it is spring time, we just HAVE to dig in the dirt. Even with our upcoming move, I had to buy some spring flowers to plant on my porch here!

Jesus experienced the same pain that I do when He lived here, "that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil." (Hebrews 2:14)

I often feel the power of death when I feel out of control. Even before I saw my mom die, I felt the fear of death whenever I wondered "what if." But if Jesus destroyed the one who has the power of death, who really has the power? Now Jesus can "deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."(Hebrews 2:15)

"He himself has suffered...he is able to help." (2:18)

Right now, my hope is not based on anything that I can see. But I see Jesus. He rose.

"I will put my trust in Him." (Hebrews 2:13)

The good part of life comes after I die. Jesus was The Seed, and His resurrection proves that to "die" and be "planted" is going to be wonderfully amazing. He didn't stay dead, and neither will I! His resurrection proves that it is not death to die.

It Is Not Death to Die

It is not death to die, to leave this weary road and join the saints who dwell on high, who’ve found their home with God.

It is not death to close the eyes long dimmed by tears, and wake in joy before Your throne, delivered from our fears.

It is not death to fling aside this earthly dust and rise with strong and noble wing to live among the just.

It is not death to hear the key unlock the door that sets us free from mortal years to praise You evermore.

O Jesus, conquering the grave, Your precious blood has pow’r to save. Those who trust in You will in Your mercy find that it is not death to die.

(© 2008 Integrity’s Praise! Music/Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI) )